On cocktail parties, taxes, dating, and independent contractors

When I was in law school, one of my favorite professors used to tell us that the only real beneficial use for a lot of the information we were having to ingest was that it would make us popular at cocktail parties.  Meaning, that from thence forward, we would forever be approached by intoxicated people at cocktail parties looking for free legal advice (and to hear us overuse words like "thence") about whatever legal issues they had on their minds.

My professor was dead on, as he was about a lot of things.  However, he was viewing this through the lens of a guy.  One thing he omitted to say (probably because he didn't know) was that admitting you're a lawyer at cocktail parties is hell on your dating life if you're a girl.  

[Scene.  Cocktail party.  Hot chick lawyer with cute boy. ]

...witty repartée...laughter...flipping of hair....

Cute boy: "So, what do you do?" 

HCL: [inward cringe.  Thoughts about claiming to be an exotic dancer]... "I'm a lawyer."

Cute boy: "...Ohhhh." 

[awkward silence; nodding of heads]

There's a whole Sex and the City episode about this, actually.  So, I've stopped telling people that.  

But I do like giving out free legal advice (there are very few things lawyers like to do more than talk), so I have to find another outlet for this other than a cocktail party.  So, the blog.

At any rate, I have had several inquiries of late from employers (seeing as we've ended the year and folks are examining last year's bottom line) about whether they can re-classify employees as independent contractors so as to avoid the expenses associated with taxes, workers compensation coverage, etc.

However, an employer cannot make someone an independent contractor just  by saying that it is so.  A worker is either an employee or a contractor as a matter of law, not as a matter of choice, depending upon several factors.  Most of the factors center around the amount of control the business exerts over the workers. Here are some of the factors considered:

(1) Whether the work requires a high level of skill or expertise.  

(2) Who furnishes the tools, materials and equipment used by the worker.  

(3) Whether the work is performed on the premises of the business.

(4) Whether the business sets the hours of work and length of the job.

(5)  Whether the worker is paid by the hour/salary or by the completion of a particular task.

(6) Whether the work is part of the regular business of the company.

(7) Whether the worker can perform work for other businesses or is dependent upon one company for income.

(8) What the worker and the business believe their relationship to be.

Using an example, if you hire someone to paint your house, that person likely is hired only for that job, brings his brushes and ladders, sets hours and completion of work, is paid on a per-job basis, and is performing work for other homeowners.  That's an independent contractor, and you don't have to withhold taxes or get workers compensation insurance or follow wage and hour laws.  

If, on the other hand, you have a maintenance man that works on your grounds and only your grounds and paints your house along with other jobs, you make entirely too much money. 

I KID.  Seriously, though, that person is more likely an employee because he performs most of his work for you, works with tools you provide, has his work and hours controlled by you, and cannot easily contract out his work for other people.

Ok.  That's all I've got for now, and it's cocktail hour.  Salut! until next time.

p.s.  Oh, and a prize to the person who comes up with the coolest profession for me to claim as my own at parties.  And by "coolest," I mean "won't send cute boys running."